Why Dating in 2024 Feels Like a Failed Experiment

Let’s face it: dating in 2024 is exhausting, frustrating, and often feels like a losing game. I’ve been there—twice divorced, a father of two, and currently navigating the dating scene that feels more like a battlefield than an opportunity for connection. And apparently, I’m not alone in feeling this way.

According to the Pew Research Center, 63% of young men in the U.S. are single, a record high that reflects a growing trend of people choosing to remain unattached. The reasons are as varied as the individuals: some cite economic instability, others talk about mental health struggles, and many simply prefer the peace that comes with being single. For me, it’s a mix of all of the above, with an emphasis on mental health.

After my divorces, I jumped back into dating, but it felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells, trying to avoid upsetting someone new. The pressure was unbearable, and honestly, it took a toll on my mental well-being. In therapy, I started to focus on loving myself instead of seeking validation from others. The result? I found more peace and serenity being single than I ever did when I was in the dating game.

Dating today isn’t just about swiping right or left; it’s a reflection of our society’s mental health crisis. We’re more aware of our emotional wounds than ever, yet there’s still a stigma that makes genuine connection difficult. According to the American Psychological Association, rates of anxiety and depression are at all-time highs, especially among young adults. Many of us enter relationships without addressing our own baggage, leading to misunderstandings, miscommunication, and ultimately, more hurt.

As someone in therapy, I’ve learned that you can’t truly be there for someone else if you’re not there for yourself first. This is especially true in dating, where unhealed trauma often manifests as toxic behavior. We’re all trying to protect ourselves, and that makes genuine connection feel almost impossible.

Dating has also become a high-stakes performance, thanks to social media and dating apps. We curate the best versions of ourselves online, and when reality doesn’t match up, it’s easy to feel like a failure. According to a study by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, people who use dating apps frequently report lower self-esteem and higher rates of social anxiety.

For me, dating started to feel like a job interview where I was constantly trying to prove my worth, and I got tired of the act. I wanted authenticity but found myself stuck in a cycle of superficial connections. It was exhausting, and it only made me long for the simplicity of being single.

I won’t lie—I miss the intimacy of having someone to share my life with. I miss having another adult to talk to at the end of a long day. But what I don’t miss is the constant worry about how I’m being perceived or whether I’m good enough. Being single has allowed me to focus on my mental health and redefine what happiness looks like for me.

Dating in 2024 is challenging for everyone, but it doesn’t have to define our worth or our happiness. It’s okay to step back and choose solitude over toxicity, to prioritize peace over performance. The truth is, I’m in a better mental space than I was even two years ago, and that’s worth more than any fleeting connection.

Photo by Misael Silvera on Unsplash