So I decided to ask ChatGPT to create a “funny” scary story involving me and a bunch of random celebrities giving it full creative control. And this random non-sense ensued, lol. Whatever I’ll post it, it’s flavored in Halloween “spookiness”…
It was a dark and stormy night… actually, it wasn’t. It was the middle of the day in a fluorescently lit grocery store, the kind of place where dreams go to die and old bananas live their final moments. Aaron—our hero—stood by the deli, arms crossed, glaring at a rotisserie chicken like it just insulted his mother. His patience, shorter than his temper, was already running thin.
Suddenly, Ryan Reynolds walked past, holding a basket of kale and quinoa. “What’s up, man?” Ryan said, flashing his signature Deadpool smirk. “You look like someone just told you the ice cream machine’s broken.”
Aaron growled, “The only thing broken here is my will to live. And who the f*** eats quinoa willingly?”
Ryan winked. “Every day, baby. Keeps me looking pretty.”
Before Aaron could shoot back, a loud crash came from Aisle 6. Cans of beans spilled everywhere like an apocalyptic legume flood. In the middle of the chaos stood Henry Cavill, cape billowing behind him, because why wouldn’t Superman wear a cape to the grocery store?
“Beans,” Henry muttered, more to himself than anyone else. “I just needed beans.”
Aaron shook his head. “Jesus, Henry. It’s beans. You don’t need to use your f***ing super strength for that.”
“I was trying to be efficient,” Cavill replied, stooping to pick up a can. “Also, do you know where the protein powder is?”
As if on cue, Robert Downey Jr. strutted in, dressed like Tony Stark, which he apparently does all the time now. He raised an eyebrow, eyeing the mess. “Protein powder, really, Cavill? Just eat more iron. You’re literally Superman.”
“And you’re Iron Man. Are you gonna help, or are you just here to make snarky comments?” Aaron snapped, pinching the bridge of his nose. It was shaping up to be one of those days.
Before Robert could fire back with something smug, a low rumble shook the store. The lights flickered, and suddenly, a chilling voice echoed from the back, near the frozen foods.
“Who dares disturb the sacred grocery ground?”
Aaron turned slowly, muttering, “Oh f*** me sideways…”
Out from the freezer section, Dan Aykroyd, dressed in full Ghostbusters gear, came sliding into view, Proton Pack on, ready for action. “Don’t worry, boys. I’ve handled bigger ectoplasmic assholes than this.”
“Dan f***ing Aykroyd?” Aaron exclaimed, looking around as if cameras were about to appear for some twisted prank show. “Is this real life?”
A ghostly figure materialized near the frozen pizzas. But not just any ghost—it was Batman. Like, a spectral version of him.
“What in the holy f*** is this?” Aaron said, utterly done with everyone’s nonsense. “Why is Batman a ghost? And why is he haunting my f***ing grocery store?”
Ghost-Batman didn’t respond, because Batman doesn’t do that. He just stood there, brooding, possibly upset that he was dead, possibly upset that there weren’t enough gluten-free options in the frozen aisle.
“Great,” Aaron muttered. “Not only am I stuck in the store with Quinoa Reynolds, Protein Cavill, and Iron Douche, but now I’ve got a dead Batman and a Ghostbuster.”
At that exact moment, three more people burst onto the scene: Danny DeVito, in a Hawaiian shirt, holding a pineapple; Gordon Ramsay, screaming at a loaf of bread for being “f***ing raw”; and Goku, asking if anyone wanted to fight him.
Aaron threw his hands up. “I’m out. I’m f***ing done.”
But just as he was about to leave, the ghost of Batman glided forward, pointing toward the checkout. The lights dimmed even further, and the eerie voice boomed again.
“Save… yourself… before it’s too late…”
A chill went down Aaron’s spine. “Too late for what?”
Ryan Reynolds, now leaning casually against a stack of canned tuna, shrugged. “Guess we’ll find out.”
Dan Aykroyd fired up his Proton Pack. “Let’s get this ghost, boys.”
And with that, chaos erupted. Beans flew, Gordon Ramsay screamed something about the f***ing freezer temp, and Aaron found himself dodging DeVito’s pineapple attack.
“I just wanted a damn chicken!” Aaron yelled over the insanity.
In the end, Batman’s ghost vanished—probably sick of everyone’s sh*t—and the store manager kicked them all out. But Aaron, covered in bean juice and pineapple chunks, had learned one important lesson:
Never go grocery shopping when you’re having a bad day.
“Well,” Ryan said, patting Aaron on the back as they walked out, “at least you didn’t have to deal with kale.”
Aaron glared. “Don’t f***ing start.”
BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
Aaron’s eyes flew open. He blinked, adjusting to the dim light of his small 12′ x 10′ bedroom. His CPAP mask hissed slightly as he removed it and sat up in bed. His heart was racing.
“F***ing grocery store ghosts…”
Aaron rubbed his face, muttering to himself, “It was just a dream. Just a weird-ass dream.”
But just as he was about to settle back into the comfort of his pillow, he heard a tap at the window. Slowly, cautiously, he turned his head.
Outside, Ryan Reynolds stood with a basket. He smiled, holding up a bag of kale.
“Found it.”
Aaron screamed.
Discover more from F4Phailure
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
